Feelings of not belonging, not fitting in swirled around my head. I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind.
Have you been there? If you have then you know what I’m talking about.
Those thoughts that leave you sighing with a heavy heart. Thoughts which induce a hard to explain sadness. Thoughts that suck the joy right out of you.
They are a pain in the rear end aren’t they? Well at least figuratively.
Just Like a Dress
Trouble is what we think, what we say internally doesn’t stay inside and simply dissipate. If we don’t take authority over our thoughts they will continue to grow until they spill out of our mouths. Mine spilled out. I found myself repeatedly saying, “I just don’t fit anymore”, “Guess I’m no longer one of them”.
And you know sometimes we don’t fit in a particular situation or group, the bonding dynamics just simply aren’t there. And that’s okay. I have learned I am not everyone’s cup of tea and neither are they mine. We can still show love to each other, we simply are not a good fit.
It’s like loving a dress you have seen everything about it is adorable, the cut, the length, the color and the pattern all scream we belong together. Excitedly we take it off the hanger and head to the dressing rooms eager to don the garment. We just know this is the perfect dress. Hmm, a little tight on the hips, too big on the bust. It’s a tad shorter than we are comfortable wearing, but still we try to convince ourselves it will work.
NOPE NOT WORKING! Move on girlfriend.
Sometimes though the dress fits perfectly as if it was made to measure. We look in the mirror eyeing ourselves up and down, checking how it looks front and back and convince ourselves we don’t have the body for this particular dress. It’s not that the dress doesn’t fit; it does. We convince ourselves it doesn’t.
I was convincing myself by repeatedly verbalizing how much I didn’t fit or belong to the point I believed it was true. So I withdrew. Remained polite but distant. Friendly but not a friend.
More Than a Band-Aid
If I was going to move on in life my thought life needed not only to change, it needed healing.
There are awesome encouraging quotes that act as cheerleader, but none of them root out the cause of our negative thought life. I needed healing not a band-aid.
So I went to the one who heals. The one who knows me like no other and asked the question, “What’s up with this Lord? Why am I feeling this way?” I also asked for a scripture I could cling to. I didn’t hear an audible voice, rather it was quiet internal words, a reminder from Song of Songs 2:4 His banner over me is love. You know I went into singing the old chorus from that same verse; come on folks I grew up singing scripture, what else would you expect.
I know God loves me and I know He is love but my thoughts didn’t rest there. Instead they went to the word banner.
A banner is a flag either attached to a pole or secured between two poles usually displaying a logo and/or a simply message. Websites also use banners (though not attached to poles) to announce a product. In old testament times each tribe had its own banner announcing their tribe. So banners have been around for a long time.
In some churches when a couple is going to be married the banns are read announcing the up coming wedding. Banns and banner has the same origin meaning an official proclamation.
I Get It
The banner the Lord is flying over you and me is His official proclamation of love. His announcement to the world to love us not just till death do us part, but for all eternity. His banner is proclaiming we are a good fit and we belong to Him. We are His family under His leadership and protection. All this made possible through Jesus.
Whether we are accepted or rejected, actual or perceived we don’t have to live tortured by our thoughts. We can live secure in His love and secure in His acceptance.
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banqueting hall, and his banner over me is love. Song of Songs 2:3-4
Today let us choose to sit in the shade of His banner. To enjoy the taste of His love and replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God’s word.
Tea Pot; Jorge Garcia/Unsplash. Girl in Red Dress; Luis Bravo/Unsplash. Food; Marcus Wallis