As young brides we walk down the aisle with rose tinted glasses seeing our future life as bright and beautiful with the man we love and because we love each other, it stands to reason we will be kind and considerate, showing love and respect ALWAYS!
Oh Boy! If only that was true.
Marriage is tough!
Marriage is not the dreamy easy life where we always agree with each other and on the rare occasions when we don’t agree do we smile and happily go along with his plan? No! Most of the time we both want our own way, coz after all our way is the right way. Right?
Instead of the rosy life we imagined we find ourselves in a battle of wills. Even if we have the best marriage ever we will still have times of emotional and mental struggle. Times when we more than just disagree. Times when it becomes a major issue that affects our relationship with our spouse. I have experienced those times and not just once.
We can go through the day and almost put the issue out of our mind until something or someone triggers it. Even then we deal with it with various distractions. Come night time it’s a different story. Our thoughts run rampant on a endless loop and with each loop we are wound tighter and tighter. We long for sleep but instead we toss and turn and wipe the quiet tears away from our eyes while our husband sleeps soundly oblivious to the turmoil inside us.
Over time our wants and dreams get buried under a piles of laundry, children, husband, work, grocery shopping and all of the to-do list that still needs doing. Somewhere in the busyness of family life we slowly lose ourselves if we have not learned to communicate. Instead we build up resentment and it seeps through in our negative language and attitude. We battle over anything and everything in a desperate need to be heard while never communicating the real issue.
Communication is more than just talking. It involves listening by both the husband and the wife. Believe me ladies I talk from experience when I tell you he will not listen to what you have to say if you are yelling. He’ll either yell back, throw out a belittling remark or suddenly have something really important to do, but listening won’t be in the mix.
It has taken me a long time to learn that yelling does not work but you and I know when we are tired and frustrated, feeling more like an unpaid maid than a cherished member of the family, it’s hard not to let fly from time to time (preferable not in front of the children).
Somehow I lost the art of listening to what my husband was communicating. I heard his words but their meaning got twisted by the time they reached my brain. It’s a bad place to be when you are not capable of communicating your own thoughts and at the same time twisting your husbands words in your mind.
1 Corinthians 13 the famous love chapter that is read at weddings more than probably any other chapter in the bible mentions in the Message Bible that love “Doesn’t fly off the handle.” Ouch! and “Always looks for the best.” Double Ouch!! Guilty of both.
I had believed a lie from our enemy Satan that any thoughtful or constructive opinions I may have did not count to my husband or indeed to anyone else. Funny, but not funny, sad really how we can go from looking at our spouse as the best thing to ever happen to us to seeing him as the problem and barrier to our own happiness and peace of mind.
“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalm 30:2 NIV
They are responsible for their own attitudes, words, actions and reactions and need to seek the Lord for healing just as we need to.
“Don’t be angry with each other, but forgive each other. If you feel someone has wronged you, forgive them. Forgive others because the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 ERV
What I have learned is that forgiveness really works. It clears the air and lifts the weight from our stressed out weary hearts. It releases us to enjoy fellowship with our Heavenly Father and as we spend time in His loving presence we are strengthened and energized to love as He loves, seeing others and ourselves through His eyes.
Maybe you are reading this article and thinking “Lady, you don’t know my husband.” You are right I don’t know your husband or your situation but God does. He will guide you and give you wisdom if you ask Him. He will heal your broken heart if you allow Him. If you need professional Christian counseling go, even if your husband is not willing to go with you. Don’t be too proud to get help.
Please note I am not a professional counselor I write only from personal experience.
Time for a Book Giveaway
This week I am pleased to offer another book giveaway. A signed copy of Here Comes the Bride: The Bride of Your Husband The Bride of Christ by Sue Angel. Comparing marriage to the relation of Christ and the church, Sue Angel explores not only how you can become the wife that God intended you to be but also how you can enhance your walk with the heavenly Bridegroom.
How to enter: Enter a comment on this blog post and “Like” my Facebook page Grace Lace and Polkadots. Closes on Saturday January 14th at 10pm CST. Be sure to check back Monday January 16th 2017 to find out the winner. Who knows it could be you!
Looking to Jesus. Living in His Radiance.